Waking up Emma on 8th august

Rakhi came and went a few days back (on 8^th August to be precise)…..

Maybe it is about reading about Emma Goldman and Mary Wollstonecraft, two of the most famous anarcho-feminists of the ‘modern’ era, that set me thinking beyond the media hoopla and the expected imagery in them and look for hidden symbolism that is all too commonly and innocuously hidden in all such popular festivals…..for example did you know that Holi actually originated as a fertility festival and the red gulal is actually a symbol of fertility….

So what is the hidden symbolism of rakhi? Any reasonably intelligent layperson, if he stops to think for a while, would realize that Rakhi is just another festival in the long line of festivals in India that celebrates the dependence of woman on man or rather dependence of woman on the well-being of her man….one more festival that accentuates and perpetuates the myth that a woman is weaker than a man, that in our society a woman is still defined by her male relatives, whether father, brother, husband or sons, like when she takes up her husband’s surname and gives up her own…..

What is Rakhi, if not an admission (however symbolic) by a woman that she desires the protection of a man, that as far as self-defense is concerned, she needs a crutch to fall back upon. Look at Karvachauth or any other fasting festivals when a woman fasts for the well-being of her husband…what does that show of the position of women in society? That a woman’s position, her prestige, her ‘normalcy’ is dependent on her continuing to have a husband? Wouldn’t a woman who has fought side by side with men in any struggle find this reprehensible? Then why don’t we feel it now?

And don’t talk to me about them just being symbols, that have been purged of their dubious conceptions, of them being an object of brotherly/sisterly love – a person is more educated by the subconscious learning he imbibes by observing the society and the social rituals around him than all the verbal morality lessons given by well meaning elders (though many of those morality lessons are loaded as well)….well, why don’t we start a festival where men fast for the well-being of their wives? My guess is that that there would be a stone wall of protest, and don’t be surprised if many of them are women as well…the reasons thrown at you? “Tradition”, “we have got more important things to do than symbolic fights”, “why rake up something so inconsequential?”….

And what does Rakhi signify, if not the role of men as protector of women? Women being possessions of men does not follow far….

Now if that sounds paranoid to you, maybe that is because we feel that we come a long way in emancipation of women, mainly in the urban areas…..where a woman today can earn an independent living, can work in a 24/7 environment, can divorce as easily and with as flimsiest of reasons that a man can, where female bosses are increasing by the day as more and more women climb the corporate ladder…..

But do all of the above seeming freedoms for women hide the fact that a woman’s identity is still shaped by a patriarchal view-point, a view-point so insidious and deep seated that women themselves come to believe that it is for their own good, so much so that women even start reveling in that role – a role where a man is for supporting and a wife is there for the household and if the husband is reasonably well off, the wife can spend husband’s money on mall-ratting without scruples? Is this the convoluted meaning of freedom that we ultimately come to? Where you have freedom to stay out late night and booze away in equal measure but when it comes to marriage, you will choose the man with the money playing a big part in that decision….that is taking the easy way out? Is this what Emma and Mary meant when they talked about women making their won decisions? That ultimately, women become appendages of men and believe themselves liberated? Freedom of delusions maybe?

And that is precisely the reason why I feel festivals like Rakhi or Karvachauth or fastings are anachronisms and something that needs a closer look from women of today who considers herself truly liberated, who feel that they do not need to depend on a man for anything….which brings me to my next point

Most women who consider themselves independent are so because of the opportunities that were available to them. In that way, they are no different from men. By which I mean to say, that they have never felt the need to rebel against constraints or obstacles that so often open our eyes and our minds to the hidden double-standards of society. At a time when the only ism truly considered important is consumerism, a woman acts just like a man in fight for equal consumption (perhaps the only equality considered worth fighting for today).

And perhaps it’s a truism that when new ideas do not find an avenue to breach the mind, the old clichéd ideas and prejudices set in. A compliant media which always tries to classify and simplify, a media along with a society that clings on to certain imagery that they consider a ‘heritage’ of India, TV soaps and advertisers who need a stable set of values to appeal to when necessary….which leads to nothing but the same old patriarchal society, albeit in a glitzy repackaged form with the label “egalite”….

And look at the mindsets we consider normal in today’s progressive society - marriage is still considered much for vital for women than for men….a woman above 30, not married, either by choice or otherwise is an object of pity, of patronization and sometimes downright ridicule, no matter how well she is doing professionally or individually….a man on the other hand of similar age is considered to biding his time…a man in his late thirties can easily get married, the chances for a woman of that age becomes practically negligible (when one considers the arranged marriage route; and unless she is very successful professionally – read moneyed, the other options diminish rapidly as well)…..

People waxing eloquent on equal rights for women would side up to you ask and you quietly as to why your girl is still not married….its all the more dangerous when its out of genuine concern, which shows how deep this prejudice runs….a woman can work on an equal footing with men, can beat them at board exams, can take part in protest marches on the frontline but if she is not married, she is somehow never considered complete…..

And now lets look at what happens when she gets married….a woman is celebrated for her woman power today because she is able to juggle her home and career or atleast that’s how the myth runs….though its true that women are more resourceful than men in general and multi-tasking is perhaps hard-wired in a woman after millenniums of existence in patriarchal societies, has any solid evidence been given to support this urban myth? Has any serious research been done on the effect of this “juggling” on the state of mind of the woman, the stress and strain it imposes on her? And what about her career and her individual success? Don’t we subconsciously force the mantra of juggling career and home over them?..... the message that men can at best be an inferior partner in homemaking and child rearing and this somehow is the place that a woman really comes to her own, isn’t it something that we force upon ourselves and others subconsciously?

Emma Goldman and Mary Wollstonecraft fought and spoke out against the greatest bondage of women – childbirth….it was of course a great bondage then, with a much more closed world with women not considered properly evolved to make decisions on their own and a world without the choice of contraceptives, when a woman was doomed to giving birth, whether she wants it or not……

What Emma Goldman and Mary Wollstonecraft actually meant was not the actual act of childbirth but the decision for the same….they were speaking for right of women to decide what their body should be used for, that the decision to bear a child should be left entirely to her…….in today’s self-proclaimed egalitarian world, their words assume even more significance….when the society claims to support you and your decisions, its easy to lower your guard, when raising a barricade is not necessary, we tend to believe that an assault is not imminent or actually underway……

The bondage that these two talked about is starkly apparent today to anyone who cares to see….with a hammering of images and messages in various forms extolling the virtues of motherhood; when a woman who is not a mother is shown to be a cold scheming villain at worst and a cold, unfeeling corporate tight pants at best….

Hence a woman who chooses to make her own way in life without the burden of a child, either because she loves what she does and does not want an obstacle or because she does not care for a child, has an impressive array of opposition to contend with….starting from her parents, her in-laws, in many cases her husband, her peers and a world that believes in communicating in stereotyped imagery and mindsets…..what is she to do? She will either succumb and lend weight to the great myth of women being infinitely sacrificing (as if its something to be dancing in the streets about, especially when men seldom do the sacrificing) or she will be branded as a something incomprehensible and sometimes a “fast” woman (men’s mom’s favourite term of disparagement)….

And what makes it difficult to fight it out is because for a fight against an idea you need unity and the number to mount an opposition but when this double standard is hidden well behind the veil of a just society, it is apparent only to the ones who fight to the last….its a fight that can be debilitating and there is always a risk that the women end up stereotyping themselves and thus completing the circle…..

So why did I start with Rakhi? Because its time that we find the new Emmas and the new Marys and for that matter new Simone de Beauvoirs….the world is much more complex than the ones they contended with, but surely the fight is there for the taking….if not, then the education that the women and men so proudly claim for themselves will be nothing more profound than learning ABC in different forms all our lives……if that education is solely used for earning money and not making our lives into something more meaningful, then its time we stop mouthing inanities of women rights…..

For those who are willing to make today something more that just a mirror image of yesterday, reexamining something like rakhi would be a start, a blow for the new feminist movement…..